comment wall



Visit my Portfolio Website read my stories and leave me feedback here!

Comments

  1. Hey Brianna! I really liked the story you have on your website. I liked how poetic and nicely written your story was and how you gave the crane a name. It gives him a little more of a character and makes him a lot more interesting. I also really like how much detail you've added into your author's note. You have put everything you need in there, connecting to the original story, explaining your own thinking and just overall showing how your story was created. One thing I might suggest is editing your website a little more. There's an untitled webpage underneath your homepage that if you click on has nothing, so I would delete that or add something to it. I also might suggest making the homepage a little more interesting for the user. Other than that a really great job! I can't wait to see what other stories you add onto your project.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I really liked the picture you used for the background picture at the top for this story. The way you described the lake in your retelling of this story matches that picture. You used a lot of details to set the scene for this story and explain to the reader exactly the situation the fish found themselves in.

    One thing I think you could maybe expand on is the part where the senior fish, Zale, volunteers to go see the other lake. You might further explain that he agreed to be taken by Amu and then brought back so that he could tell the other fish exactly what he saw. I think this would explain better what was happening during this part. I felt like you kind of glossed over it. If it were explained more, it would also give more weight to the trust that was built with the crane.

    Another idea for expansion would be to tell a little more of the background of the crab. In the beginning, you talked a lot about the senior fish and his past experiences with the crane. This helped explain his distrust with him. The carb is just kind of in the background as an observer. However, he is the main part of the story and where it gets its name from. It might be interesting to learn more about him/her and how they came to be a part of the lake full of fish.

    Overall, I really liked your story. Your writing style makes it easy to follow along and it’s enjoyable to read. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hello Brianna,
    I have to say I was blown away by your story. You did a really good job at writing this story from the fishes and crabs perspective. I never read the original so when I read the authors notes I was taken aback at your reasoning. I like the changes you made to the story and I feel that they should have been in the original. I liked this story from start to finish! I also am a fan of your website! I wonder however why it is titled My Stories. Is it because you plan on writing some originals or is it because your retellings are your own stories? I also like the picture you put on your homepage. It makes it feel as though I am about to open an old book and start reading a story from centuries ago. Well done on the website and the story! I look forward to reading more from you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Brianna,

    I love your portfolio so far! Appearance-wise, I really like the images you chose, I think they add to the story and I especially like the headers, which gives the reader a first impression to set the feel for each story, which is cool since they'll all be a bit different.

    I like how you stayed true to the Crane and the Crab tale, but made it your own by further developing the characters and setting. About 2/3 in I got a little bit lost on the characters, especially with Zale returning but not saying anything else in the story. I would maybe reiterate "Kodi the crab, or Amu the Crane" once or twice just as a reminder later on. Also, at one point you said that Amu was surprised to see the crab in the lake, and then the crab due to his skepticism made a deal with Amu--that confused me because are they both surprised to see each other, or is it actually only one of them that's surprised? Why was the crane surprised to find him there after eating all the fish?

    Hope this helps, and great start to the stories so far!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey Brianna, I like the overall look of your portfolio! The images you used really ties in with your stories. In your first story, I loved the addition of giving the one-eyed fish a background story of how he only has one eye. I have not seen anyone do that yet, so props to you for being so creative. I really liked your version of The Cunning Crane and the Crab; you kept the general storyline but made it more poetic with the use of adjectives. In your second story, I liked how you added in the cat as an observer! I think it is a very cool concept to add in to view how certain characters feel. I honestly really felt for this cat when his owner left him for some guy but I glad your story had a happy ending with his owner coming back to him in the end. Keep up with the good work! I really enjoyed reading your first two stories.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Brianna! I first want to say that I really like the look of your story book. I think the image you chose at the top was really cool and interesting. It also made your story book look really neat and put together. This was the first time I had visited your portfolio and I thought overall the layout was really easy to navigate through! One edit I would suggest is make the introduction page a little more clear. There is also an Untitled page under your home section which when you click it leads to a blank page. I think this was just a mistake so it can be fixed easily! As for you stories I really enjoyed reading each one. I think the detail you put into each story made it really easy to visualize what was happening in each story. Overall, great job! I look forward to reading more of your stories!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hey Brianna! I liked your portfolio a lot. I like how you have something on the home page to let readers know what they're looking at and all that. I would suggest that you add the comment wall link to more than just the home page so it's easier for people to be able to comment. I also really like how you chose to tell the story from the point of view from the cat. It made for a really interesting story and really kept the reader interested. One thing I might suggest is maybe explaining the similarities to Sita Sings the Blues in the author's note a little more. I have not gotten to see the movie so it's hard to draw similarities between the two. But you are doing a really great job with your portfolio and your stories. I really think you're doing a great job. Keep going!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Brianna!
    I loved the 19th century books on the home page. It gave the page a feel of being like a library with several different stories. Crane and the Crab: I laughed a bit when I read the crab's name is Kodi..my younger brother is Kodiak but we call him Kody. "Amu was not only there to gloat but appeared to have arrived in an act of kindness." was slightly confusing for me. The part where he was not only there to gloat, to me reads he was there to gloat in addition to arriving in an act of kindness. How did Zale escaped the crane when he was young? Why were the fish eager from the get go and not nervous like Zale? Did they not know Zale's history? I would think they would have more fear than to think about accepting blindly. A Cat named Whiskers: I am excited about this one. I did a story about cats too so this intrigued me instantly. I love the angry whiskers picture. I get that this is written from Whiskers perspective, but it seemed weird to me that a complete family moved into Nina's place just while she was gone. Wouldn't it make more sense for her to drop whiskers with family, or have someone just check in several times of the day? I also didn't follow Nina leaving and coming back the way she did. So did her and Dave break up? Why did she leave? I haven't seen the movie, so I don't understand the similarities and what it should be representing. In the authors note you discuss how she overcomes her sadness and that whiskers was there for it, but it seems like that happens outside of the story. Over all I really liked your idea, and the way you wrote this. It is very creative!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Brianna! I really enjoyed looking through your portfolio. Since Dr. Gibbs asked us to look at some formal and design considerations this week, that's what my comment will focus on. First, I think that you have a really clean layout on your site, and I think that your home page has a really nice banner image. One thing to check on here is that there is a down arrow next to 'Home' in the navigation bar, and it links to a blank, untitled page. Consider removing this page, unless you have a plan for it! Also, on the pages with your stories, I think that your banner images and images with the stories are good, and the text is easy to read down the page. One consideration is that in your story "A Cat Named Whiskers" the banner image of paws, while a really nice image, makes it hard to read the title. This is a little off-putting to the reader. Consider finding a different image that does not obscure the words - you did a great job of this with the story "Crane and the Crab." Good luck revising!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Brianna! I like the look of your site. It feels very clean and put together. I like the image on the intro page. It just looks nice with the overall vibe of your portfolio title. I found that the site was easy to navigate as well. I enjoyed your first story! I like the way that you utilize descriptive language in your writing. It’s great how you were able to stay true to the original story but gave it so much life and perspective. Your retelling was easy to follow and flowed nicely. I liked your dialogue! It gave all of the characters more life to them. I can tell that you put a lot of thought and care into this. It was a classic retelling and it was fun to read! I’m interested to see where your other stories will go. You did a great job with this one!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Bri!
    I read your first story, Crane and the Crab, earlier and was excited to see your portfolio pop back up in my feed!
    I read A Cat Named Whiskers this week and really enjoy your telling of this story. It took me a second to catch on that it was from the movie Sita Sings the Blues, but once I got the reference, I liked the story even more. The picture you chose was a great fit for this story. I could see the scowl on Whisker’s face when Dave moved in. It made me laugh. I also really liked that you told this story from the point of view of the cat. Although the bones of the story were the same, you managed to make it interesting by changing the perspective in which the story was told. I think my favorite line of the story was how you described the children reaching behind the couch with their sticky fingers. Great use of detail here and pretty much exactly how small children are…always sticky!
    Overall, I liked this story a lot. I wouldn’t change anything about it. It was light and fun to read. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi Brianna! I really enjoyed your two stories. I loved how you took the overall story of the Crab and the Crane and expanded on it. You gave the characters names and made them seem more human. I think your portfolio is well done and the images you chose are excellent for your stories.

    I also LOVED A Cat Named Whiskers. When I watched Sita Sings the Blues earlier in the semester I loved the modern storyline with Nina and Dave. I loved that she had a cat, because I love cats. I also really liked how for this story you chose the cat and gave us insights into how he might've felt about Dave, and then Nina leaving. Like one of the previous comments, I loved the line about sticky fingers. Young children are always sticky! I really loved your stories and think they were well written. I can't think of any suggestions to give you. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi Brianna,

    The header definitely caught my attention I think it set the mood for me to read. I really liked your lay out. The first thing I noticed was and this is extremely small and nit-picky but on the end of the crane and crab story is just Note instead of Author's Note and I'm not sure if it was intentional. Literally everything was so good that was really the only thing that jumped out to me. The crane and crab story was very well written and I enjoyed your adaptation of it. The cat story was so adorable it reminded me of a toddler. They act just like that when new people are around and don't have as much attention on them. I think Friday night lights could use some more detail maybe having Kelly mention how she could never be with a poor man. Overall all of your stories were great.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hey Brianna,

    Overall, I enjoyed the layout of your page. It is simple and easy to navigate. That is the benefit of using google pages for it. I love the Crane and the Crab story. I loved that you added descriptive words to the story because I have noticed a lot of Jatakas lack that description. So far it has been my favorite Jataka I have read. I even did a story myself where the Crab ended up being the bad guy. It is hard to feel bad for the Crane but I felt a little bad because the Crab so easily killed him. One thing that stuck out to me was the photo is a little blurry and that took away from the overall page for me. That is a small thing, but it was something that I noticed. Overall, I enjoyed the first story I read, I will be back to read your others.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hello Again!
    This week I read your story, Friday Night Blues. When I was reading your story, I didn’t pick up on the fact that it was from The Monkey and the Crocodile. However, after reading your author’s note, it made perfect sense. Also, I think you did a great job putting your own twist on retelling this story. I would have never thought to use a dating situation for this, but it works perfectly! I enjoyed the first paragraph. It set the scene nicely and accompanied your banner picture really well. The only suggestion I might make is to explain why Ben felt the need to lie to her. Was it because he wanted to impress her? Was he ashamed that he was a paralegal? I think this would give more validity to the lie, but it’s just a thought. Overall, I thought you did a great job with this story. I also like that Ben had good intension with Kelley’s heart instead of like the crocodile that wanted to eat the monkey’s heart. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hi Brianna!

    I read the story Friday Night Blues from your Portfolio this week. I really liked the story and the set up that you use in the first few lines to draw a picture in the readers mind about the setting is really well done. The story overall is well written and was very easy to read and it kept me engaged and wanting to see how everything was going to unfold at the end. It was almost like a mini lifetime movie, that is the first thing I thought of when I got to the end of the story.

    However, I was a little confused as to what story this could have possibly came from in the Jakata Tales and then I got to to the authors note and my questions were answered. At first when seeing that it was based off the Monkey and Crocodile, I had a little issue with putting the story in context. However, you really wrote the authors note in a way that described your intentions for the story and by reading the authors note I was able to fully understand the relation between the two stories. The story to me has so much more meaning and context just from reading the authors note and getting the background behind the two different main characters. Very well done!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi Brianna!
    Right off I noticed that you did not have an introduction or anything that really told me the theme of your website or what it was going to be about besides the fact that it would be stories of some sort. I also noticed that on your second story page the one with the title "A Cat Named Whiskers" that the title runs into the navigation buttons with the other stories names on them. You might reformat your banner so that the words do not run together. I do not know if you can add punctuation in the title of your portfolio but there should be an apostrophe at the end of your name before the s. Your stories were so well written and detailed. I really enjoyed each of them. I liked that you used a story from the Jataka tales. I really liked the original Jataka Tales and enjoyed your retelling.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hi Brianna! I came back to read your third story. I really enjoyed this one! I felt bad for the poor guy but the bartender was right. You shouldn't be with someone who just wants you for your money. That's not true love. I'm glad the bartender was able to help him see that and make him feel a bit better. If he's a good guy who wants to make a person happy, then he deserves a good person who likes him for him. I like the banner picture, it really goes with the theme of the story. I also think the way you broke it up works pretty well. It makes it easier for me to read. Also I had no idea that you based it on a Jataka Tale! You changed it up really well and I had no idea you based it on that story. Great work! You're almost done with this semester!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hey Brianna,

    I want to start off by commenting on your use of images! I really enjoyed all the different banner images that help convey the different stories at hand. I also liked the images you incorporated throughout the stories. I appreciated your use of spacing in all your stories. The spaces really help readers understand stories better than reading the whole story in one big chunky paragraph, which I've seen throughout this semester.

    I read all four of your stories from your portfolio, and I think the second story, "The Crane and the Crab," is by far my favorite mostly because I actually read that Jataka and considered writing a rendition of my own. I agree with you on giving these animals names to incorporate a human-like element to the stories. Giving names just makes the stories more personable! Overall, I think you did a solid job on your portfolio!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hello!

    I read your story "friday night blues" and WOW! First of all, the picture you picked caught my eye right away. It seemed like I was actually at that bar watching this all happen. I enjoy how you started the story with such detail to set the scene. It makes it so much more enjoyable to read a story and anticipating what it will be about when it has a good intoduction. I really think you have great story telling skills. The only thing I would suggest is maybe a happy ending like he found another girl that didnt care about his money. I felt like the story wrapped up too quickly but it was a great story. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hi Brianna!
    I came back to your portfolio to see how it turned out at the end of the semester. I must say, I’m not disappointed. I really like the look and flow of it. All of your stories are told in a unique style of writing and each retell the original story in a great way. The layout of the pages are clean and easy to read. Each of the banner pictures match well with the stories they are about. I’m having a hard time deciding which of the stories is my favorite, but it’s between Friday Night Blues or Gambling for Love. Both of these stories were excellently done. Gambling for love was such a unique take on the original. You were able to put a modern twist on it so it was relatable to today’s world. Friday Night Blues….the opening part of the story was so descriptive that I felt like I was there in the bar with Ben. Overall, really fantastic job with the project!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Introduction to the college mom

Week 10 Jataka Reading 2