Week 4 story The Story of Indrajit

Sita sees Rama and Lakshmana fallen Source: blogspot



Once upon a time their was a Lord and a King who lived in a magical land. The lord was named Richard and had a beautiful wife named Sara. His wife Sara was the most beautiful woman who wore a long pink dress and had golden hair the flowed in the wind. One day King Charles noticed how beautiful Sara was and kidnapped her. She yelled for help but the Kings army stopped her husband from helping Sara. She lived in the palace with King Charles but dreamed of the day that she would return home to her husband. The King was nice to her but she longed to have her true love back. Lord Richard gathered an army to win his wife back from the king and save her. The king never wanted to lose Sara and started a war. The son of King Charles, prince Andrew, saw his father losing the war and did not want him to be unhappy. Prince Charles had magical powers and waited for the right time to use them to help his father.
The magic of Charles wounded the Lord and his army knew the only way to defeat the King was to find magic of their own. They searched long and far for a magical plant that would help them win the battle. They knew that Sara wanted to be home with Lord Richard once again. Before they could find the plant and even greater magic came, a knight on a horse came galloping towards the palace. He healed Richard and his wounded army with the touch of his sword. The horse seemed to glow as they gracefully rode away from the city. They city rejoiced as the Lord had the advantage to win his beautiful queen back so they could live happily ever after.
Source. Myths of the Hindus and Buddhists by Sister Nivedita (1914).

Comments

  1. Hi Bri! Quick note, you had established King Charles and Prince Andrew, but right after it says "Prince Charles had magical powers" and continued with "the magic of Charles". I loved the imagery you used to describe Sara "the most beautiful woman who wore a long pink dress and had golden hair the flowed in the wind". However, I was confused at the end when the knight came in and healed Richard and the arm and they rode away. It never discusses the Army actually beating Charles/Andrew and getting Sara. What happened in the meantime? What if you just added something like "The knight healed them, and they went on to defeat the King and his son, thus returning Sara to her husband" or something along those lines. Definitely a fun read. I enjoyed it a lot!

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  2. Hi Brianna! I really enjoyed your story, it was short and sweet. One thing I wanted to point out. In the first sentence, you could change "their" to "there". It makes more grammatical sense to me. Sometimes when we're typing little things slip by us. :) I also caught what Dorothy Osborn said, it looks like Prince Andrew should be the one with the magical powers, but you said that "Charles had magical powers". I think you might have mixed the two names, unless I'm very mistaken. No worries though, it's a great story and I really enjoyed it.

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  3. Brianna, I can totally see how your story was inspired by the events in the Ramayana! How you chose to give your characters names that start with the same letter as their Ramayana counterparts is a clever way to allow the reader to connect them to the epic. I notice you chose to write your story in the third person perspective, I wonder if you have considered using one of these characters in particular as a narrator? I think that would be a great way to give the reader a way to engage more intimately with the internal thoughts and feelings of your character(s). Even simpler, maybe you could start in the line where you said that Sara longed for her true love and use italics or dialogue to let Sara "speak" to your audience. I have always liked this rule of thumb called "show, don't tell" when I'm trying to elicit an emotional response in my reader. This part of your story is the perfect place for letting us really experience Sara's love-sickness! Overall, great interpretation of these scenes- that really was one of the more exciting parts of the original!

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  4. Hey Brianna! I enjoyed your story; I really liked that your story summarized the main plot of the Ramayana without complicating the story too much. I also like that you used British royalty as your characters. Many people, I am not included in this one, are familiar with the British royalty and will be able to relate to the story more this way.

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  5. Hey Brianna,
    Coming back here because I realized I've read most of your stories already! I liked this one as well, and I think it's cool to see your writing grow over the semester. I like the description you have, although I did get a little lost with all of the characters and so much action happening event after event--I think some dialogue to break it up a bit and let us get to know some of the characters better could help with that. Even without an Author's Note, I definitely got the Ramayana vibes the story was conveying, and I enjoyed your take on it!

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