Week 7 Story Ice Cream Time
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| Chocolate cone Source: purepng |
Dave and his brothers were enjoying the last days of summer. The sun was out and heat still hung in the air. Dave, Mike, John and Paul loved playing in their neighborhood.
"Lets go inside and ask mom for some ice cream!" exclaimed John. The other three brothers stopped and looked at each other in question. They knew that their mother never let them have ice cream on school days. As they sat under a tree for shade in their front yard all discussing who would go Mike stood and started walking towards the house.
He walked inside and his stomach began to growl thinking of the chocolate dipped cones he knew were in the freezer. As he shut the door behind him he heard a voice calling from upstairs. "I have a question for you before you walk into that kitchen," the voice calmly said. Mike ignored the voice as he walked into the kitchen and grabbed an ice cream for himself. The other three boys sat outside as fifteen minutes past by. John volunteered to go see where his brother went. As he went inside he scanned the entryway for his brother. He stopped as he heard a voice call out to him. " I have a question for you," said the voice.
Soon Dave was the only one left outside. Each of his brothers had gone inside one at a time, none returning with any ice cream or answer. So Dave finally got the bravery to go ask his mother himself, since his brothers were up to no good, or eating ice cream without him. Just as the other brothers had entered the house the voice called out to him. This time Dave waited and decided to speak back.
"What have you come inside for? Do you not want to enjoy the sun , next week a cold front is moving in?" said the voice.
Dave answered, "We loved playing outside today and are so thankful for our mother. I just wanted to have some ice cream from the freezer to cool off."
Dave and the voice went back and forth each time Dave answered with respect and gratitude. At last the voice got near and he realized it was his father. His father had come home early from a work trip. Dave gave him a big hug. His father was so proud that his son answered him with maturity as his brothers had not.
" Can I ask you a question now Dad?," asked Dave, "Can we all have ice cream, even my brothers?".
His dad walked to the freezer and grabbed five cones. They all walked outside and ate them together. After all mom was at the store and they could all keep a secret.
Authors Note: This is an adaptation of the story " Riddles at the Lake". I like that story when reading Mahabharata because it showed how the actions of one person could make up for the mistakes of many. I chose to tell this story in the eyes of children. I am a mother and I really could relate to this story happening with one of my kids.
Source. Indian Myth and Legend by Donald A. Mackenzie (1913). [700 words]
What a fun idea! I think it’s great that you can pull from your real-life experiences as a mother and work it into a story! I liked the original a lot too and your take on it was nice to read. At first, I thought this was going to end a different way, but then the dad showed up. I can definitely see a couple of kids doing something like this.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the story! I wish you put more emphasizes on what happened to the brothers when they went for ice cream and never came back or even expanded on the questions that David was asked when he went to get ice cream. I definitely did this as a kid with my sister and my mom's ice cream sandwiches. So I could very well relate to the story especially the part where they are gearing up to decide who will ask the parent. Overall I really enjoyed the story
ReplyDeleteHi Brianna! I really enjoyed your adaptation of Riddles at the Lake. I thought that was a very interesting part of the Mahabharata. I loved your modern take on the story, and that instead of water it was ice cream cones. One suggestion I have is to possibly expand on what happened to the brothers when they failed to answer the question. Did the father hide the brothers? Where did they go? Other than that I thought it was fantastic, you did a great job writing it. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Brianna! I really enjoyed your version of "Riddles at the Lake". I thought it was interesting that you were able to adapt the story to such a modern version. What happened with Dave's brothers when they didn't return from the house after trying to get ice cream? I think it may benefit your story if you added what happened to the brothers, assuming you are looking to revise this story. But it was a very interesting story! I enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteThis story is a good one, and one I can relate to ahah. I like how the main theme here was to do the right thing and its well told. I think the only comment i would say was that you should make it more detailed but also cut out some parts that are unnessesary of the story. I like how you created this story to embody a scene in a modern day version. Its well done and i appreacite your creativity.
ReplyDeleteHello Brianna,
ReplyDeleteThe story was absolutely thrilling. For some reason I thought it was going to turn out to be a horror story when I read about the boys going in to get ice cream and not coming out. Then as it got closer and closer to the end I realized what was happening. I was relieved that it was the father but found it odd they didn’t recognize his voice. It must have been a long work trip. I loved the story. Keep it up!
Hey Brianna,
ReplyDeleteThis was a really well-done take on this story, I love that that was a connection you were able to make and expound on! I wouldn't have thought of it. My one question after reading it though was what happened to the brothers when they didn't answer the voice?? Obviously they were alright at the end but I wasn't sure what their consequence was for not answering the voice. I liked how you followed up with their initial concern about mom not letting them have ice cream during the week by having her be at the store at the end, that was a nice touch of continuity. Overall, fun read!